What NOT to say to a cancer patient!

When you don't know what to say to a cancer patient and you find you end up saying something that was clearly not well received, you'll find that generally they will forgive you (eventually). 

However, in an attempt to save you from this horrible moment here is a list of some of the things you should just never utter to a cancer patient (trust me): 

1) "You're looking great!" 

No I don't! I still own my mirrors (as much as I kinda want to avoid them) don't you think I know 

that the treatment has made me look like I have the body of the Michelin Man with the head of a shuttlecock sewn on? 

But if you mean to say "ooh for a girl with cancer you look amazing" then thanks, yeah I do, my

chemo brings all the boys to the yard! I wish... 

2) "Half the battle is the mindset. Be determined to beat cancer and you will.” 

This is simply not true in any way, or most cancer patients that died would still be here. Yes it's good to think happy thoughts, but It will not save your life, only your sanity. 

3) "At least it's not on your face or somewhere they could see the scar" 

Yeah, because it's so much better that it's traveling about around my vital organs! I should 

maybe do the Braveheart style line now: they can steal my organs, but they'll never steal my

freckles! Somehow I don't see how my cancer playing hide and seek has a positive aspect. 

4) "oh you have cancer? My Gran died of cancer, in the liver, it was painful. Then my family friend died of bowel cancer, it was really slow. Ohhh do you know who else had cancer..." 

That's right, please comfort me with a list of all the people you know who died of cancer. Next

why don't you tell me every horrible detail, oh wait you already did! 

5) "I know how you feel... I've got a terrible cold right now" 

You're right, 200 years ago if you lived in squalor conditions you might have died! But it's not soman up, and get a grip! Cancer and a cold are not the same, in any way! 

6) "Lance Armstrong"  

Stop comparing every cancer patient to him or be prepared for that patient to muster up some 

strength to punch you!  

7) "Why are you gaining weight if you are so unwell?"  

That's great, as if I didn't already feel like I looked terrible enough! For your information, cancer patients usually get pumped full of steroids. It was either that or I puke in a constant stream, you decide? p.s. I can't believe you basically just called a cancer patient fat! 

8) "How are you feeling" 

I know you think you're being nice but all a cancer patient thinks as soon as you say that is: 

How the hell do you think I feel, I have cancer, how would you feel? 

And, it doesn't help that they are asked this question thousands of times a day. 

9) "Chemo doesn't work. Try bathing in goats cheese, wearing a hat made of mud and smoking banana leaves. The government is covering up the natural cure" 

Just get out my room you crazy, conspiracy theory, hippy!

p.s. Shave your armpits mrs/mr natural  

10) "I just keep thinking how lucky I really am" 

Well I'm glad I could be of service! Don't rub it in! I'm glad you feel blessed but share that somewhere else.    

11) "I don't know how i'll cope without you!" 

Well don't start making my headstone just yet...and please try and grow some optimism  

12) "It's okay you can live on fine without [insert body part/organ]" 

Yes I'll live but don't just push it aside like that part or me wasn't important. I kind of grew

attached to my body parts over my lifetime you know! 

I hope this was a little helpful for everyone, just remember if you don't know if what you are about to say is going to be well received by the patient, just don't say it! 

Also, my next blog post is a kind of Q and A format. So ask me any question you have regarding cancer in general. I will answer them. 

Ask the questions here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VFG7GVS 

Feel free to ask anything, now is your chance, and it is anonymous. 

Until next time, Amy x 

What happens when you say "I have cancer"

I knew something was clearly wrong with me, something severe. The doctor only heightened this thought when he phoned and asked me to come in urgently Monday morning, when the weekend was over. He wouldn't explain anything over the phone, and he used the dreaded line -which universally means you have something terrible wrong with you- "you should bring someone with you."

I brought my Dad with me, we met the doctor and he took us into an unusual side-room; three chairs around a coffee table. On the coffee table was a box of tissues, clearly placed there for the impending doom. The doctor made a little small talk then looked at me and said "It's cancer." To be honest I pretty much stopped being able to listen after that. I sat there, a shell of myself, as my mind became engulfed in a whole other world of thought.  

So now came a very strange part of having cancer, telling people I had cancer. To which I gained many strange, and sometimes hilarious responses. When you tell somebody you have cancer their response will fit into one of the types I'm about to mention.

1) The morbid society
These are the group of people who reply "are you going to die" without even batting an eyelid. You can't help but think, "what's wrong with you?" if I had been told I was going to snuff it do you think I'd be up for answering that question, especially when it was offered so bluntly?

2) The big rejection
This group of people respond by saying something like "Okay...so what did you think of game of thrones last night?" You can see that they are trying to remain cool but their eyes give away a clear distress signal. They freaked out, just give them time, they usually come up later and say sorry.

3) The question challenge
Of which there are two sub sections

a) The nosy naiive

These people are generally gossips in their day-to-day lives. They ambush you with a wave of questions, leading onto other questions, you prepare for some strange questions.
"Are you going to be okay? What did your parents say? Does that mean you can't have kids? What does it feel like? If you did can I get your shoes?" You have to just answer the questions and laugh about it later.

b) The person of experience

They have either had cancer, worked around it, or known someone with cancer. They ask questions only somebody in the know would ask; was the operation a salpingo-oophorectomy? What is your cad125 at right now? Did you have carbo/taxol?" It is actually enjoyable when someone understands these cancer related terms. Although it can feel a bit like a  test on how well you listened to the doctor.

4) The Alice in Wonderland

They cry so much you kinda worry that their river of tears will start a C.S. Lewis style flood. You can't even hear what they are saying. It's a strange concept "I've got cancer...oh I need to comfort you?" A few tears in okay but this is ridiculous!

5) The cheesy cheer up

It is good to try cheer someone up with a hearty "you can do this!" But this group of people simply don't leave it at that. They feel the need to quote you millions of cheesy saying like "There is a can in cancer." You tell them you have cancer and the entire treatment period they send you photos of similar quotes and "inspiring" stories. You just wanna say "right you, simmer down."


6) The all-rounder

This is the "skitzo" of the replier, they go from one response to the other. It goes something like this:
" Oh, cancer...? So did you see that TV show, yeah? (20 mins later) I'm so sorry I was in shock!
are you going to die? (cries uncontrollably for a while) What did your parents say? What will happen now? It's okay remember there is a can in cancer."
You don't know what's coming next, you just sit there and wait for the next phase of their shock to set-in.

7) The best response

This comes from the other young people I met with cancer. I say "I have cancer" they say "aw cool, snap! Don't worry you'll be fine! Lets go binge watch friends until our chemo is over?"







So have a think, which type are you?



Until next time, Amy x

19 going on 90: no age limit on cancer!

My name is Amy, I'm a 21 year old student. My life however has not been very typical of someone my age. 

You know when you are filling out forms that require you to go through medical questions (usually involving many tick lists)? 
Do you have X, Y, Z? 
Did you ever need a procedure called X, Y, Z? etc. 
well most young people hardly even glance at the options, because they are healthy. Of course they don't have a crazy medical history. In fact they probably have hardly any medical history at all. 
However, these days I have to read every single option very carefully because I know that i'll need to tick lots of them. 
I'll have ticks for; 

• Have you ever had an operation? 
• Had a colonoscopy in the last 6 months? 
• Have you entered your menopause (change of life)? 
• Have you been on blood thinners in the last year? 
• Have you had a CT or MRI scan in the last 6 months? 

etc, etc, ETC. 

One question that I always have to tick on forms is the very reason why I have to tick the rest. The question; 

• Have you ever had cancer?        

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in November 2012, when I was 19. I kept thinking "are you kidding me? I have cancer? I'm a teenager!" Yes it is rare, in fact if you read my file and had to guess an age of the patient you'd most likely say 90, not 19. 

It's okay now though, i'm in remission, and i'm looking back on the crazy journey that I have had. 

In my blog posts i'm going to give you the whole truth about cancer; the up's, the down's, the humor, and the sadness. 

Until my next post, Amy x