No matter how crazy or stupid I believe the question is, I hold back the urge to giggle because it's my goal to educate people on cancer. The more we know the better we can fight against it, after all keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?
So here is a list of questions I have most commonly been asked, hope it helps:
1) "So, when you had chemo, did all of your hair fall out? I mean...like ALL of it (they gesture awkwardly at your groin)"
ANSWER :This is a question that comes up very often, and I have to be honest it's hard not to laugh every time someone does that gesture.
Yes, all my hair fell out. Not just my hair on my head, but also; eyebrows, eyelashes, leg hair, arm hair, and yes down there (cue that same gesture).
This issue of hair loss had me divided: I was so upset at loosing the hair on my head, it was my crowning glory. My long locks were my favorite feature, but actually I got used to it, and really enjoyed spending far too much money on a multitude of different colored and styled wigs.
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It was much harder loosing my eyebrows and eyelashes, in case you don't know no eyebrows is a really strange look, they frame the face in a way you never knew. Then again I did have a lot of fun drawing on my eyebrows to my mood, with angry eyebrows being a favorite of mines.
And so you know, fake eyelashes just fall down if you have no eyelashes to hold them up!
Disturbing fact: I put mascara on even when I was down to three eyelashes! There may not have been many, but they were sure going to be long!
The dividing factor I was talking about was that it was amazing not having to shave or wax for a long time. You have no idea how much time is saved during a bath or shower. Plus not having to sit and do my hair every day mean longer lie in bed.
2) "Did you smoke, is that why you got cancer?"
ANSWER: I have never been a smoker at all, but also I didn't have lung or throat cancer or anything like that. I had Ovarian cancer. I don't know why you'd think they could be connected, but trust me they're not!
3) "You got treated at the Beatson, you must know (insert name here)"
ANSWER: Erm...no. I'm not sure you're aware but there isn't a cancer club, we don't all know each other.
4) "So you're all back to normal, you must be so happy now?"
ANSWER: There seems to be a belief that once you are in remission that you are totally well and back to normal as before. This just isn't true.
I know that I will never be "normal" again, and I will definitely never be the same as I was before.
When I look back on everything that has happened I realise how much I have changed since the day before I was diagnosed. On the 21st of November 2012 I was just a typical 19-year-old student.
The next day my life changed completely
Of course my core being hasn't changed, I love the same things, I am still Amy Quinn, but somehow I am also completely different. I am a different version of myself, and I like to think that my new version is better: Amy Quinn 2.0.
5) "So you had your ovaries removed, does that mean you can't have kids?"
ANSWER: I can never conceive a baby, it's true. This is something that will haunt me, I have a lot of 'what if's' that could be going around in my mind all the time about this, but I try and suppress them because I know that i'll only torment myself. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't let this affect me at all. In fact i'll let you in on something embarrassing: For months after finding out I couldn't have children I used to take my contraceptive pill box (which I had been using before I was diagnosed with cancer) and just stare at it crying. I know, it's a disturbing picture, but I plucked up the courage to throw them away one day. Every time I start to get upset about it now I just say in my head three times 'at least I don't have periods.' (If you want to read more about all this I have a previous blog post about it).
6) "no offence, but how come you didn't get skinny when you had cancer, isn't that what happens?"
ANSWER: most people I know that have or had cancer put on weight. They put weight on for the same reason as me, because the steroids the doctors put us on make us gain weight like crazy!
Stop taking the steroids you say? Well no, because if I didn't take them I was just throw up everywhere all the time, trust me I tried not to take them. IT WAS GRIM!
7) "Why do you have tubes sticking out of your chest?"
ANSWER: when I was on chemo I had permanent tubes hanging out of my chest, just dangling there, like an unwanted conversation starter. This was all because my veins were pretty much impossible to locate and get a needle into. Since I would be needing A LOT of needles stabbed into me during this time, they thought it best to give me what is known as a Hickman Line. They could take out my blood and give me chemo through it, so yeah it saved me a lot of hours of nurses playing hide and seek with my veins. The downside of the line was that getting it put in while I was awake was horrific! I still wince at the memory of that day, if being given 8 local anesthetics (that clearly didn't really work very well) wasn't sore enough, the tube being shoved in my chest through my vein and into the main artery to my heart was definitely the stuff of nightmares.
And now I have vein down my neck and on my chest that really sticks out, for some reason people always want to touch it.
8) "doesn't it scare you all the time that it might come back?"
ANSWER: I would be lying if I said that the possible return of cancer didn't scare the crap out of me. However most days I simply don't allow myself to give that fear a chance to concern me.
I have my own view about what beating cancer is: beating cancer isn't the same as surviving it, beating cancer is all about your mindset. Every day of my life I face a battle against cancer, it didn't go away because i'm in remission. If I let the fear of cancer take over and ruin my day then I have lost the battle against cancer that day. Every day that I don't allow that fear to overcome the goodness, then I beat cancer that day.
Two amazing people I met along my cancer journey: Layla and Stephen, both died of their cancers.
But they also beat cancer, because they didn't allow it to defeat their mind, their spirit or their joy in life, they stayed strong.
I may not win this battle every single day, but I win the majority of my days. I will continue to beat cancer as many days as I can!
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| Stephen Sutton |
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| Layla Watt |
I hope this post has answered some of your questions, any more then please don't hesitate to leave a comment or ask on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/remissionaccomplishedblog
Enjoy life!
Amy x
