First of all, for those that may not know what menopause is (young men), here is a description:
Menopause- the period in a woman's life (typically around age 50) when menstruation (periods) cease.The woman's estrogen declines rapidly. This happens to every woman, and causes many problems and symptoms in the female it happens to. Women who are experiencing this are described as "menopausal."
However, not everything in life turns out the way it is meant to, because I began my menopause at 19-years-old.
So how did this happen?
Well my body let me down, and I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 19. Initially they weren't sure where the cancer actually was, so they sent me to have an operation to find it on the 31st of December 2012. They told me that they were hopeful that the cancer was going to be in the early stage and easily found. Well, they were right it was easily found, but it was actually stage 3. It was ovarian cancer and it consumed my ovaries and Fallopian tubes. It had also spread to my appendix, some of my abdomen and omentum. They removed both ovaries, both fallopian tubes, my appendix and my omentum.
I was pumped full of drugs during and after my operation, so I don't remember much of what happened when I initially woke up from the operation, except being in pain. I remember waking up the next morning, on the 1st of January 2013, as if it was yesterday. I was put to sleep for my operation nervous of course, but also believing that what my doctors thought (that it would be early stages and easy to remove) was likely to be the case. When I woke up however, this clearly wasn't the true.
A doctor who was on-call that day was making her rounds in the ward. She eventually came over to me, introduced herself and read over the chart at the bottom of my bed. She told me that in the next week i'd start to feel the effects of menopause begin. I was very confused, I asked her what she meant. She said "well, because you had your ovaries removed. you'll now be menopausal." I didn't speak for a moment, but it felt longer, my eyes welled up and I felt like someone had just shattered my world. I almost refused to believe that what she just said was correct, I said "I had my ovaries removed!?" I could see that she too was confused, she had no idea that I didn't know what had happened during my operation. she explained that she thought the other doctor had told me, and then she said sorry and moved on to another ward.
It felt like I was back in the room with the doctor when he told me I had cancer. I felt so many things at once; numb, yet heartbroken, angry, worried. This meant something no woman could bear to know, I was now infertile, I couldn't have children.
I sat there, tears streaming down my face, lying perfectly still, thinking about what this all meant. Then the lady in the bed next to me said "it's going to be okay" she comforted me and told me that the doctor had told me the night before, but I was too drugged to remember it. She had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer too, and to this day, and forever, i'll always be proud to say that this lady, Marjory, is my friend.
After the operation I had to undergo a chemotherapy regime, and for those of you who haven't followed previous blogs: I am cancer free!
So what actually happens during menopause? Is it different when you go through menopause at a young age? well read on to find out(don't worry this is meant to be lighthearted):
The Worst Things About Going Through Menopause
1) Hot flushes/flashes
This is a particularly annoying symptom of menopause, basically a hot flash/hot flush is a sudden feeling of almost unbearable feverish heat that takes over your body. I am beginning to think that they exclusively happen at the worst possible times.
For example I was once giving a talk during a uni. lecture, and right in the middle of it BOOM! heat radiating over my whole body, I try to keep speaking but sweat is pouring down my face like a fountain. Anyone who every asked why we have eyebrows, this is why! If my eyebrows weren't there I would have been blinded by my own forehead sweat! I feel like I might faint at any moment, I rush forward and grab paper of someones desk and start flapping it about in a feeble attempt to cool myself down. During these intense symptoms menopause just envelops you like a.. well, actually... much like an envelope (don't ever tell me my Advanced English class was wasted...).
I suddenly look up, panting, sweating, bent over the speakers podium, and see the whole class staring at me in horror. The teacher asks "are you okay" and I reply "yeah, just a hot flush." He and some others in the class laugh a little and he says "well, it might be that, in about 40 years."
I don't even bother to explain to him that I really am menopausal, I just compose myself and continue. Which takes me to my next point...
2) Nobody seems to realise you can start menopause prematurely
Sometimes things happen (like in the above story) that make you feel the need to explain yourself to people. "I'm just having a hot flash" or "sorry, menopause made me scatty." The problem is that as a woman of only 21 years old, everyone always thinks i'm joking because menopause usually wouldn't affect people my age for another 30 or so years. When I excuse my strange behaviors by saying that its my menopause people just laugh it off and say something like "oh, bit young aren't we?" I look at them and know I have two choices:
a) Laugh as well and feel really awkward about it
b) tell them "no actually, I am going through premature menopause"
I want to be open and honest, but I very often avoid telling them. It's not something I can just say and move on with, they want to know more: how? why? when? etc. It's not that I mind telling people that I had cancer, but it's the thought of how they'll react to that news.
read my blog about the funny ways people react when I tell them about my cancer here: http://littlemisssurvivor93.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/what-happens-when-you-say-i-have-cancer.html
Or by reading through previous posts.
3) Brain Fog
There is a problem menopausal women have, often known as brain fog. What this actually refers to is:
- memory issues
- confusion
- difficulty focusing
- decreased alertness
There doesn't seem to be an awful lot of worry about these problems, because menopause is supposed to happen in older women, and therefore people see memory loss etc. as a natural problem that comes with aging.
However I am a 21 year old university student, so this is a very big problem. I'll give you a run down of how this affects me:
I am sitting in a large lecture hall writing down notes as the lecturer speaks to everyone. I begin to drift off and stop listening, i'm not really thinking about anything else in particular, and i'm not cautiously making the decision to stop listening. Around five minutes later I'll realise I zoned out and try and catch up, but i'm far behind what the teacher is talking about. This will keep happening, sometimes I catch myself beginning to drift and I sit up more to focus myself. No matter what I do though, I've missed about half of the class because I just couldn't focus. Then I try later to write an essay and I have the same problem I drift away often. Then I have an exam and try to study, not only do I still find it difficult to stay alert, but I have the added worry about the problems I now have with memory. I know that when I sit inn the exam i'll be writing but I can't remember something that I know I should, and I know it's my menopause.
It doesn't just affect my life at uni, it affects my whole life. I have forgotten my best friends names, my own address, and often repeat things I've just said, it makes me feel like an old woman.
I can be having a conversation and just drift off in the middle, and when the person taps me and says "hello?" or something like that I say "sorry, drifted off" but they look at me like i'm crazy.
4) Becoming the Michelin Man!
Menopause (along with steroids during chemo) helped me gain a massive 4 stone!
See, steroids made me have a huge appetite, particularly for fatty foods, but I needed steroids while I was on chemo. Menopause causes a problem with metabolism that makes it really easy to gain weight, but also really hard to loose it.
This is a massive inconvenience, and I really do feel like the Michelin Man! This is a struggle all women will have to face during menopause. It's not impossible to loose the weight but it's going to be tougher because i'm menopausal. The doctor has vowed to help me, so I try to remain positive.
Until then, I think i'll avoid mirrors from now on!
5) Mood Swings
Okay, so my menopause is nobody's fault, but someone is going to pay for it!
unfortunately, menopause messes with the hormones, and the hormones mess with my mood. I can go from being a really happy fun-loving girl to wrathful and ferocious creature quicker than a Hennessy Venom can go from 0-60mph!
It's really horrible because I find myself running after people trying to say sorry. Then I have to explain that its my hormones, it's my menopause, and then that takes us back to problem 2 on this list. Menopause is just a vicious circle!
6) Hairy issues!
So, as if losing all my hair wasn't bad enough, my hair problems continue!
Menopause causes grey hair to grow, this might not be a big deal if you're 55 and already aging, but i'm 21. No sooner had my hair started to grow back than I was already plucking out my grey's!
50 shades of grey has a whole different meaning in my world!
Not only this, but i'm also sprouting hair like it was going out of fashion. When my hair fell out on my head it also fell out everywhere else, but now there is a surplus of hair; on my chin above my lip, eyebrows growing in strange ways. I know I had prayed to have my hair back but this is ridiculous!!!
7) All the serious stuff!
I really don't want to bore you but i'll mention these briefly.
a) Heart problems- having an early menopause effects my hearts health in a really bad way. I have a much higher risk of heart disease, heart attacks etc. this is because estrogen protects the heart, and menopause is the decline of estrogen in a woman's body. In my case much of this estrogen was taken away suddenly when I had my ovaries removed.
b) Infertility- as I previously mentioned I am infertile because I have no ovaries. But I do have a glimmer of hope. I still have a womb which means that I could have a baby with a donated egg. However it's a very difficult process, with low success, so if I choose to try it one day, then there many be some hope. But I have to be honest it isn't even a true fix to me, after
all is a donated egg really mine?
c) Osteoporosis- This is a disease that causes weakened bones, making it likely for that person to break or fracture bones suddenly, and easily. Estrogen protects the bones, so the lack of estrogen means they weaken.
Many of the problems I have could be helped it I were given Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).
However because of the particular type of ovarian cancer I had, I am not allowed HRT. My type of cancer likes estrogen and uses it to grow, therefore i'd be risking my cancer returning if I took it.
What Iv'e gone through might seem horrible at rimes, but I assure you it's all been worth it, because it means I survived cancer. I'm alive, and loving life!
Thanks for reading :D
