Cancer, is it okay to ask...?

When someone tells you they have or had cancer it is natural to want to ask

them hundreds of questions. Humans are curious, that's just a fact. 

Usually this curiosity surrounding cancer will manifest itself in one of 3 ways; 

1) You ask them everything all in one giant sitting because you just
really need to get it off your chest.  

2) You ask them a few questions every so often, because you probably 
don't want to seem insensitive. 

3) You hold back pretty much every question because you feel very
awkward about asking, especially questions which you feel are most 
likely to personal or silly to ask. 

I have experienced people from each of these categories, but I think 

most people fall into the third category.This is why I have created this blog 
post.

I asked on Facebook and Twitter and on this blog for people to contact me 
with the questions they really wanted to know. People responded very well 
and I got a lot of private messages. You all wanted to know answers to 
questions both about cancer in general and about specific cancer types. 
Therefore I decided to ask a group of my "cancer friends" to 

help me answer the questions I couldn't. 

In order to allow them to answer truthfully and without worry I told them 
all that they would remain anonymous. So when when you read a direct
quote from someone other than myself I will write something such as this: 
"Female bowel cancer survivor, 22." 

I hope you find the answers to the questions you wanted to ask: 

Is it okay to ask... about testicular cancer? 

1)  If you had one of your balls removed, does this mean it hurts 
less if you get kicked in the groin?  

Answer:  

Testicular cancer survivor (20): 

Erm... I can't say anyone has ever asked me that before actually! 
Well I think it kind of hurts the exact same as it used to. I suppose you
could argue that having one less ball to be sore technically makes it less
sore. But trust me it still hurts!!!! 

2) Does it affect your sex life now, compared to before?

Answer: 

Testicular cancer survivor (24):

It’s completely natural to automatically have a bunch of worries, and 
questions after getting diagnosed with testicular cancer. I most definitely 
thought, “how is my mojo gonna change now that I’m getting a ball removed?!” 
Well, I think it’s good to note that everyone is different and what I've experienced might be different from you.

I haven’t really had any change in my sex life at all. Everything still works, 
I still can orgasm and my urges are the same as before. However, when 
it comes to reproduction, that’s a different story. 

Is it okay to ask... about skin cancer?

1) Did you use a lot of sunbeds before you get skin cancer?

Answer: 

Skin cancer survivor (22): 

I've never had a sunbed before in my life, nor do I particularly sit out 
in the sun even on holiday. Some cancers can be genetic and melanomas 
fall into this category although none of my family members have suffered 
from it. 
One thing that annoys me more than anything 

is the rush people have to ask me if I frequently have sunbeds or people 
who continue to discuss their use of sun beds in front of me despite knowing 
my diagnosis. So no, not all skin cancers are due to UV exposure. 

2) do you feel like skin cancer is less difficult than a lot of other
 cancers, because it's on the surface, and more easy to spot? 

Answer: 

Skin cancer survivor (22): 

Skin cancer certainly isn't the most difficult cancer to have - the survival 
rate is incredibly high and the majority of cases are visible from the outside 
due to a change in a mole etc. 

I unfortunately was slightly unlucky and my melanoma was under the 
surface which is fairly rare. It was very awkward to remove and has already 
recurred and I'm only 22. So yes and no. Skin cancer can be less difficult in 
some cases but please remember, it is still a cancer diagnosis and someones 
life has still be greatly effected so I'd avoid saying that to anyone. 

Amy here: I totally agree with my friend. I think the worst thing you could 
say to a cancer patient is that their cancer "isn't the worst." Cancer is cancer,
no matter where it is and the scale of it that cancer has changed that 
persons life. 

Is it okay to ask... about ovarian cancer?

Since it was ovarian cancer that I was diagnosed with then I will answer 
these questions myself. 

1) "What actually are ovaries?" 

Answer: 

You would be surprised how often I am actually asked this question 
(and not just by men). 

The ovaries are two small, oval-shaped organs in the pelvis They make up part of the female reproductive 
system, (which includes the ovaries, fallopian tubes, womb, cervix and 
vagina -just so you know-) 

Each month, in women who are young enough, one of the ovaries produces 
an egg. The egg passes down the fallopian tube to the womb. If the egg isn't 
fertilised by a sperm, it passes out of the womb. It’s then shed, along with the 
lining of the womb, as part of the monthly period (the horrible bloody time of 
the month). 

Is this a bit too much information? Hope not because here is another important
job of the ovaries: Ovaries also produce the female sex hormones estrogen 
and progesterone. As a woman nears the menopause, the ovaries make less 
of these hormones and periods gradually stop. 

And now hopefully you understand what ovaries actually are. 
(Never thought that sex education at high school was worth it, 
but now I see it is) 

2) "What is it like to be infertile?" 

Answer: 

This is actually a very difficult subject for me to fully admit my feelings about, 
but i'm going to just open up here. 

When someone losses a child, it's awful, and people start to imagine how 
completely at loss that family must be feeling.

However, I feel people can't really seem to understand the loss I feel that I can't have children. I am so emotionally hurt by my loss that some days this 
is all  have thought about, I have cried for hours at the loss of children who 
have never even really existed.I live every day in a constant reminder that I 
will never conceive a child. I often cry when I find out that someone I know 
is pregnant or has given birth, I have locked myself inthe bathroom and 
collapsed in a heap of pain. 

It is the most horrible grieving process which I am still experiencing. 
I can be content, push it to the back of my brain for a long time, then all 
of a sudden something triggers. I remember and I am consumed by my 
sadness until once again I make myself become numb to it. 

I'm not sure how to deal with this horrible hole I seem to have in my heart. In fact right now as I write this is the first time I've even decided to open up 
about my feelings. 

Infertility is lonely, I am 21 so many people I know are having kids and starting 
a family. I am happy for them, but I am also heartbroken because I know my 
future isn't like their's, no matter how much I want it to be. 

Sometimes I even get very angry about being infertile, I feel really cheated. 
I feel like I have been denied the right a woman has to create life, something 
which is so amazing,something which I always took for granted that I would be
able to do. I feel like less of a woman, like I am incomplete, because I am. 

I am quite a strong person now because I had to be, and I smile and face 
the day most days However, some days I just need to break down and allow
myself to be sad and angry,because I have every right to be. 
I need to allow myself to grieve for my ovaries, for the woman I used to be, 
for all the things that might have been. Otherwise I'd end up a bitter menopausal woman who hates every woman who gets pregnant because she is jealous. That is not the person I will ever allow myself to become. 

I need to let go of the life I had planned and just live the life I have. 
After all becoming infertile is what it took to save my life. 
I will forever be saddened when I remember what I have lost, but I will 
use the joy I feel everyday from still being alive to overcome it as best I can.   

Is it okay to ask... about cancer?

1)  "Is cancer contagious?" 

Answer: 

No. This is a large misconception that people believe more often than you can 
imagine.In the past, people often stayed away from someone who had cancer. 
They were afraid they might “catch” the disease. But cancer isn’t like the flu or a 
cold. You can’t catch cancer from someone who has it. 

2)  "What is remission?"

Some people think that remission means the cancer has been cured, but this 
isn’t always the case. Remission is a period of time when the cancer is responding 
to treatment or is under control. In a complete remission, all the signs and 
symptoms of cancer go away and cancer cells can’t be detected by any of the tests 
available for that cancer. It’s also possible for a patient to have a partial remission. 
This is when the cancer shrinks but doesn't completely disappear. Remissions can last 
anywhere from several weeks to many years.Complete remissions may go on for 
years and over time be considered cures. If the cancer returns, another remission
may be possible with further treatment.

3) "Does ALL your hair fall out?" 

Answer:; This is actually the question I have been asked more times than any 
other question, and it is usually accompanied by an obvious gesture towards 
your groin. Yes ALL the hair fell out. 

Although loosing my hair was really difficult there was always an upside:
NO SHAVING! 

I never realised how much time this takes up 
until I didn't have to do it anymore. Also when I lost my eyebrows I used to draw 
different ones on depending on my mood, just because it was funny
(my personal favorite was the sharp pointed and arc shaped angry eyebrows).  

4) "Do you think they will ever find the cure for cancer?" 

I don't think they will ever find one singular cure for cancer because cancers are 
all very different. I hope that in the future there will be lots of medical advancements
to treat and cure different types of cancer. The advancements we have made 
in even the last 5 years is the treatment of cancer is astonishing. 

There have been lots of claims that people have found "THE cure" for cancer, 
and people continue to waste their money on the hope for a miracle. 

However I'd like to quote the late Patrick Swayze (who died of pancreatic 
cancer in 2009) "Ifanybody had that cure out there like so many people swear 
to me they do, you'd be two things: you'd be very rich, and you'd be very 
famous. Otherwise, shut up." 

I hope you found this helpful, after all these are some of the frequent questions 
that were being sent to me. I will likely make another blog post like this one in
the future because people just have so many questions, so don't hesitate to ask me some more. 

Please Like my Facebook page for this blog, and give the page a Follow on Twitter 
and as always share it. 

www.facebook.com/remissionaccomplishedblog 

twitter.com/RemissionAblog 

Amy x 

    

  

    

  

My Unsung Hero of the Month: Kayleigh Canning

Hero of the Month: 

Name: Kayleigh Canning
Age: 20
Cancer: Ovarian Cancer


Why is she my hero?

Kayleigh is my hero because when she faced terrible life problems one after the other she never gave-up hope, she is proof that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger!


The life of Kayleigh Canning:

My parents decided to adopt myself and my two
brothers for reasons I won’t get into (that’s a whole new blog) they seen something in us and went all out and adopted all 3 of us so they wouldn't break me and my brothers apart and to be very frank we were past the cute adoption age. I never ever looked back they brought us up in a safe environment . We traveled Europe as as family went over the the states. Most of all they gave us the love and attention that we needed. 
At 17 years old and only a few days away from completing my first year at college life could not be sweeter. I was enjoying every moment! Making new friends and new memories and finally feeling that my life was on the right tracks.

Life changing:  Then out of the blue life as I knew it changed forever just 7 days before completing my first year at college my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 womb cancer. We had no time to dwell in pity because everything was moving so fast. My mum started intense chemo and became ill very quickly. As a family we all pitched in to help in anyway possible and put on a brave face for my mum. 

However, one day I came home from college I had the worst headache and a very swollen stomach. I informed my mum and dad that I was going to straight to bed. I stayed there all night in the dark till about 10pm when my mum came in. She lay on my bed with me and told me that she didn’t think I was looking to good. She begged me to go to the doctors the next day. I told her it was just a little headache I will be fine but to put her mind to rest I said I would go see my GP. 

I sat on the doctors bed telling him about my sore head and swollen stomach he asked me to lay down so he could examine my stomach. He had a feel of my stomach and asked if I was pregnant. So after finally convincing the Dr that I was not pregnant he took some blood and booked me in for an emergency scan the next morning.

The next day I was finally seen by a doctor. He hooked me up to the ultrasound machine. After a quick scan of my stomach he said "I need to get the specialist." At this point I was beginning to get a bit worried … What if there was actually something wrong with me ? I was called back into the room. Me and my mum sat down she was holding my hand. The Dr simply said "I don’t know how to really put this but you have a tumour" I was In shock. 

What next? 

I was informed my tumour was indeed cancerous. – A rare form of ovarian cancer.My world crumbled how could me and my mum have cancer at the same time ! I didn't know how to break the news to my mum so I asked my sister who was driving her home to do it for me. I was waiting at the door for my mum to come home. When she opened that door and our eyes met was the worst moment in my life. I will never forget the hurt that was in her eyes. We both crumbled into a big emotional mess.

I decided that there could only be one outcome and that was me being strong, brave and a surviving! 

After my first operation I was so overwhelmed, and I looked so sick. Then the best thing happened, I was introduced to The Teenage Cancer Trust, where I got to meet people my age with cancer. I really needed this support to help me get through cancer.  I decided not to have chemo but other treatments instead, I felt this gave me the most time to spend with my mum. 

Losing my Mum: 

Me and Mum

The doctors told me I was in remission, I was happy to be back on my way to health: cancer free. But I started to get symptoms again so I went back to the doctors and sadly found out that my cancer had come back. However, this wasn't the reason that day was the worst day of my life. This was the same day my mum passed away. As I spoke to her the last time I didn't tell her my cancer had come back: I couldn't! 

It came to Christmas time, I had lost my mum and had 4 surgeries, including a full hysterectomy. It was an awful Christmas. I was so lucky to have my family and friends to support me, along with everyone from the Teenage Cancer Trust. 

Being strong: 
Thankfully I am now cancer free again, i'm two years in remission. I have a new lease for life, and I enjoy every moment.  

Me and Kayleigh now

Unsung Hero of the month: 

I'm sure you can now see why this amazing girl is my unsung hero of the month. She is one of my best friends, and she helped me through my own cancer. We've been through a lot together, and i'm so happy to have someone so strong and inspiring in my life.
She remained strong through being an orphan, losing her mum to cancer, and being diagnosed with cancer twice herself.











Thank you for reading this, post.
I will be posting once a month about my unsung heroes.
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